Tag Archive for Feelings

Fabulous Five Years

An image of Tee and Vicky (Tees Guide Dog)

Today marks Five Fabulous Years since I was signed off as having qualified with Vicky, my guide dog.  In that time, she has given me so very much, at a time of sadness, sorrow and increasing darkness, she has given me love, support, companionship and above all else….. Independance.

Without her guid are readding ing me, protecting me, showing me the way, I honestly feel that the darkness would have taken over, and it is propable that I may not even be here today to tell you these tales.

I know you, you are reading this thinking “she has sightloss, its not terminal.”  Which yes is true, but with my sightloss, came depression.  And if not treated, it can become all consuming and that can be a terminal illness.

I’m not here to talk of that though, I am here to talk about how much I have gotten from my gorgeous guiding girl.

She is a dog, YES.  But actually, she is a walking, breathing, living mobility aid.

Without her by my side, I wouldn’t be leaving the house.  I wuldn’t be able to take the kids to the park, I most deinately wouldn’t be contemplating returning to Uni next year.

As my guideing star, a friend has nominated Vicky for an award with Guide Dogs.  She is in the final 3 for the ‘life changing award’ to be decided at the annal Guide Dog Gala Dinner, to be held in December in London.

Me and Vicky have been invited to the awards ceremony, which if she wins her catagory, she will also be put forward to be crowed as Guide Dog of the Year.

I am very excited, to win this award wold be fabulous recognition of all that she has done for me.  I already know all of this, so if the judges don’t pick her, it won’t change my ove for her and my appreciation for having her by my side for the past five years.

The Struggle is easing, just a wee bit

So, having bad enough eyes that glasses no longer help other than when I am doing super close up work or reading is taking a lot of getting used to.

I can now leave the house without feeling that I am naked, after all I have been wearing glasses for the last 30 years, so they are kinda a big part of me.

This year though with the fabulous bright summer days I wasn’t actually leaving the house without glasses on, because for the first time I was wearing sunglasses, really nice wrap around sunglasses by Trespass, not fancy in anyway, but very comfortable.  In fact, I have been wearing my sunglasses this week as between the rain showers the sun has been blaring through the clouds.

It is interesting to ‘see’ (excuse the pun) how people treat me differently.  I haven’t been asked if I am a guide dog trainer once!  I have been offered more assistance than ever before and God knows I have needed it!

I have felt more vulnerable than ever, not even being able to see my friend that I know who is stood directly beside me.  I haven’t coped so well with dealing with the frustration that this has caused me.

 

My shopping habits have changed, I am no longer a bargain hunter in stores, nor have I bought any new clothes, it is so hard now. Much more harder than I imagined it would be.

More than I am happy to admit right now.

 

 

One Gherkin wasn’t enough

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WE DID IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Wednesday 17th September, me and Simon faced our challenge of climbing the height of The Gherkin. We set out to climb the 180m between us. We felt that this was a realistic challenge to conquer.

 

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How wrong we were……

 

The climb equalled 90m each, on a stretch of wall we both knew well. The climb was for endurance, rather than climb technique. After all, Simon faced a bigger challenge than me. He had to climb blindfolded. I have only ever climbed blind, so I didn’t have that additional element to deal with.

We got 120-odd meters into the climb when we both agreed that it wasn’t enough. We then made to interesting if not slightly bonkers decision to continue climbing, until we had both individually climber 180m.

I say bonkers decision, as we both felt the adrenaline going at that point…. The very same adrenalin that began to wear off at around 300m.  Redbull, Kendal Mint Cake and Dextrose Tablets saw us through the last 60m….. Along with a VERY large amount of finger tape !!!!!

It was an amazing adventure. One that has left a few scars and bruises, but one that has spurred us both on to do something even bigger and even better.

So, having doubled the climb height, we are still pushing forward to ask those who wish to support us to show their support. The Just Giving page is still up and active. As is the ability to send a text donation from your phone.

www.justgiving.com/gherkinblindclimb

OR

TEXT BGCC70 £10 to 70070

 

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Struggling with the change

Last month I got my routine 6 monthly eye test. My prescription has altered, which I knew before going to the opticians. I was struggling to see my phone, without holding it at the end of my nose and looking over the top of my glasses as I could no longer see close-up with them.

The change in my sight wasn’t a big change, but it was a significant one.

The way my eye condition is, with the strength of prescription that I need I can’t have near vision and long vision. I can have ‘reading glasses’ to see things that are close to me, like reading, seeing my children etc. Or I can have distance glasses and be able to watch tv or the kids playing around in the park. But I can’t see anything closer than my arm length away. If I didn’t suffer with LCA or Nystagmus I would be able to wear varifocals. But as I do, I can’t.

With my LCA I am now also unable to adjust easily to different light levels, meaning that I am also unable to adjust between two different prescription glasses, to go from distance to reading lenses.

So I had to make a choice…….

And I chose to see my children, large printed letters and the people that I love. Because on a bright sunny day, I wouldn’t see anyone even with distance lenses!

However, this time at the optician I received the news that I was very close to the limit of what they could do for me with prescription glasses. I am getting to the limit of a difference that having a prescription would make to me.

The other issue I had, is that although my eye’s have only changed ever so slightly in the last six months, it has actually been over two years of ‘ever so slight changes’ since I have been in a position to purchase a new pair of glasses, because before I have even chosen pretty frames, the lenses themselves are in the region of £280 (after allowances)

So, having the money to spend, I bought a new prescription and the frames to sit them in. Two weeks to make them, and additional £100 to reduce the thickness from 9mm to 3mm, I got my new glasses……

And all the ‘slight changes’ have added up to one hell of a dramatic change.

A change that means that on a bright sunny day, I am better protecting my remaining sight with a pair of non-prescription sunglasses than wearing my actual prescription.

My new prescription, although strong for me. Is in-fact the equivalent of a reading glass prescription in the amount of difference that it makes, especially with my distance vision.

So for the first time since I was about 4, I am getting used to not wearing glasses full time. An issue that I am struggling with just a bit.

When I am outside in the glorious sunshine that we are experiencing at the moment, I am comfortable and confident wearing my new sunglasses, but inside is a different story.

At home, right now as I write this I am wearing my glasses, when I at meetings I am wearing my glasses, but when I am in the gym or on the climbing wall, I do not wear my glasses.

And it is not a look or feel that I am getting used to…… Just Yet!

Where would a blindie be without an Iphone?

As my sight has deteriorated, the brightness, font size and contrast have all increased on my phone. Now Siri has become my best friend and now that I have turned on the voice over, my phone is even more accessible than ever.

I have also found the camera to a fabulous addition to my life. It has enabled me to take numerous pictures of my children playing, birds flying, animals on a farm and today a squirrel. I have found that so far in the summer holidays I have taken nearly 100 photos a time when we have been out and about. Not because I am boring everyone on Facebook with what I have been doing. But so that I can see what the children have been doing, for example when they are playing on the swings in the park. Or when they are feeding a goat at the farm. These are just photos for me, many of them get deleted, but it means that I can watch them later or even use the zoom feature to watch them or check on them while they are running around.

Some people curse smart phones and Iphones, but for me having all these features with me enhances my independence not only with my children, but when I am shopping. I used the camera just yesterday to take an image of a shelf price that I couldn’t read. Because with magnification and holding at the right level, I can read it.

I can’t live without mine now. It is a way of communicating with friends and family, my Sat Nav, CCTV, document reader and so much more.

Archimedes would be proud

As a VIP, I have little tweaks in the way in which I do things to enable me to feel like I am as ‘normal’ as everyone else. (Even though the strong independent part of me knows that I don’t need to be the same as or normal like everyone else!)

One of my tweaks, is to fill my bath to a successful level by using the timer on my iPhone. First the hot water, then the cold. Of course this isn’t fallible, sometimes the water is still too hot or often too cold.

Either way, I am not flooding the bathroom or even close to washing the floor!

As a busy mum, who has increased her classes and time spent at the gym, it has actually been several weeks since I last had a bath (having showered instead, so I am clean and not smelly)

So imagine my surprise yesterday evening, upon filling my bath as my usual tweak, checking the temperature and getting in that I discover that the water didn’t cover me as much as before.

I stood up and used my hands to measure the level of the water, it was the right amount of water, give or take…. So, there was only one answer for it.

There is less of me in the bath to displace the water !!!! YIPPEE

All that time at the gym and eating lovely seasonal fruit is paying off.

And now back to the drawing board on the timings for the water level?

Or, as I did last night, sit in the lower level bath and fill up when I am in it to get the desired depth and temperature.

Either way, I am a very happy bunny.

Not such a relaxing coffee

It has taken me some time to sit down and write this post, (nearly 5 months in fact) as it is hard for me to recall the events without sadness and upset, rather than anger and bitterness.

I am a very easy going kinda gal, I do not see myself as someone who carries a chip on my shoulder because I have an eye condition. I also feel that I am open to alternative perceptions and don’t make the automatic assumption that every person that I come into contact with is aware of sight loss or how to interact with a guide dog. After all, why would they?

I have been into places where the staff or members of the public are not aware of the regulations regarding a guide dog, I am more than happy in such situations to calmly and politely explain the law regarding working dogs.

Just because a member of staff is unaware of the regulations is not their fault, the staff in question are usually very willing to listen to my explanation and then help me with my requirements.

There have been occasions where staff are not aware of the regulations and are not prepared to listen, in these instances (thankfully few and far between) I make contact with my local guide dog office, who are more than happy to contact the staff and explain things to them.

However, the incident in question was not one of lack of awareness, it was one of personal attitude coming forward into a professional role. Something that having worked within retail for most of my career is a major ‘no no’

And for that reason, I hope that you understand why this has caused me such upset.

Having spent the morning doing some shopping in my local town, both me and the pooch were tired out and in need of refreshment. So I stopped at a coffee shop, where I could feed my caffeine addiction and allow my guide dog to rest her paws with a nice bowl of water.

Upon entering the cafe, a member of staff approached me and showed me to a table right by the door. I thought nothing of this as the interior of the cafe was quite dark in comparison to the bright sunshine of outside, so it gave me time to settle myslef and allow my eye’s to adjust to the difference in light levels.

Although a bright day, it was very chilly and on removing my coat I realised that the table was in a direct draught from the door, so having adjusted to the light levels I got up to move to a table further within the cafe, as there were several empty tables dotted around.

On moving to a different table, a member of staff came upto me and told me to stay where he had seated me and he would come to me, so I explained that I was moving out of the draught. This was when the ‘politeness’ ended.

He said that I needed to sit where he had put me because of my dog, so I calmly explained that she was a working dong and allowed. I explained that I didn’t wish to sit in the draught, so he said that I could sit at a table at the very back of the cafe. When I asked him why I couldn’t sit at the table I thought was more than suitable, as it had ample room underneath for my guide dog. The member of staff then explained that he did not want my dog to bite or upset the other customers.

Again, calmly I explained that she was a working dog and as such would sit quietly under the table away from anyone else.

That was when the member of staff told me that he was aware of the rules regarding “my dog” but if I wanted to be in the cafe then I would sit where he put me.

At this point, I was struggling to contain my upset and explained that I would not be placed where he saw fit, I explained that as a visually impaired person, my guide dog was my mobility aid and that I felt that he was discriminating against me because of her. He told me that me insisting on having my dog in the cafe was causing great upset to the other customers, who he felt would leave were I to stay and continue to cause a ‘scene’.

I informed him that because of his attitude I would not be staying in the cafe and that he had lost potential business. I bit back the tears as I spoke. As I felt humiliated and forced to leave through no fault of my own.

At this point a man who had witnessed the events stood up and offered to take me to the near by Costa, as he and his family were disgusted by the way in which I had been treated and would no longer stay in the cafe.

I had heard several other murmurs as I was leaving. I did not take the man and his family up on their offer, I just wanted to get away. So I walked for a little while before contacting my local guide dog team and explaining the situation to them.

The member of staff I spoke with in the office was very kind and understood my upset and was able to understand what I was saying despite my sobs on the telephone. She assured me that she would pass the matter on to the public relations officer and that she would be in contact with me.

My local guide dog team were fabulous and got in contact with the cafe in question straight away, but not before they had received two further phone calls by concerned members of the public that had witnessed my ordeal.

After writing a very strong worded letter, the guide dog team received no reply or comment from the cafe.

It was over a month later when two friends, along with their guide dogs went into the cafe for a spot of lunch, that they were privy to wonderful service and staff that were more than helpful to each of their needs.

So, I took it that the cafe or in particular the member of staff that I had encountered had learnt from the letter they had received. That I bit the bullet and went back in, this time I couldn’t face going alone, so took a friend and my son.

The service was fabulous, but I could not relax, I found myself listening to each of the staff members to hear if I could recognise the member of staff that I had previously had the misfortune of speaking with.

I was not relaxed, nor did I feel that I was being fair on my son or friend as I was ‘on edge’ so we drank our drinks and left.

I do not feel that I will be able to return to the cafe in question again.

The silly little things

We are having some beautiful sunny hot weather here on the south coast at the moment. So having taken my beautiful black long haired guide dog out for a good walk earlier this morning before the heat picked up, I needed to pop into town.

So out came the good olde faithful cane….. And off I went.

I have to alter how I use my cane in some shops in town, with their lovely smooth floors no-one can hear me if I use the roller tip and glide it along. So I need to go back to the basic ‘tap tap’ figure of eight so I can be heard and noticed.

Having done my shopping in the store with the big W on the front! I was walking to the exit when a kind gentleman asked if I needed assistance locating the lift, as the store is set into a hill at the back.

I thanked him for his offer, but asked if he could he so kind as to navigate me towards the escalator instead.

He sounded surprise at my request! And was concerned for my safety, so offered to come down with me. I did explain this was not necessary, but he insisted.

So down the escalator we went together (it’s on about half a flight of stairs long)

When we reached the bottom I thanked him, he then went to go back up the escalator to continue his shopping (as I hadn’t realised he wasn’t actually leaving!) So I politely and quietly followed him back up to the store.

When at the top, he asked if I was ok? So I explained that I was perfectly fine.

I went on to explain that as a guide dog user, I was unable to use escalators when working with her, so in a ‘kid in a sweet shop’ kind of excitement I was making the most of the experience !!

It sent him away with a smile on his face and me with a lovely piece of advice from him,

“Take time to do the ‘silly little things’ in life, because they often sculpt you into the sensible person you become”

So yes, I was the grown woman who rose the escalators today. But it is a little thing that I miss, that many take for granted. So I made the most of it and enjoyed myself.

I can’t see if people where looking at me, and as such I no longer worry about what they are thinking !!

Silly Sewing

My daughter moved from Rainbows to Cubs in September. She has been a very busy bee with her challenges, leaving me with the joy of sewing them on.

Until recently I had called upon my ex-partner to do this, but on Monday evening when Alannah came to me stating she needed her art challenge badge sewn on before her meeting in 45 minutes time! Eek….. It was down to me to get out the needle and tread.

Well, you can imagine, just threading the needle to start with was fun! Not.

Then trying to figure out where the badge needed to be placed followed with a quick call to a friend who is a cub leader.

Calm restored, the sewing began. It went very well, it was neatly done and in the right place as described to me.

Although the badge itself…. Was upside down!

Dilemma struck.

Do I un-pick it and send her in in-complete uniform or make her look a fool?

I admitted defeat and un-picked it.

Alannah explained to AJ her leader about my ‘silly sewing’ And came home with yet another badge for me!

Thankfully she didn’t loose points for my mistake and I have already had an email offering me sewing support too.

So, how do the blind date?

I wrote a blog last year about good friend who was joking with me about dating, how it really would be a blind date in my case!

But as new year roles in and friends were kissing their partners, I got to thinking ….. How do the blind date ?

There is the world of Internet dating, you can meet hundreds of people just like you (so the adverts say)

There are even dating websites for ‘those with disabilities’ and there is the tv series on Channel 4 that highlight the whole thing with the documentary ‘The Undateables’

I’m not the sort of person who has ever gone out looking for love, it’s just always …happened!  I’m not looking for it now either, I am happy as me, but I do miss being with someone when with other friends.  As I am beginning to feel like a spare wheel, especially during the festivities.

So, how do I go about dating?

I suppose sitting in a pub with a guide dog is good ice-breaker!  But my days of catching the cute guys eye are long gone….. I do t think I could even spot the cute guy, let alone catch his eye!

A friend offered to set me up with a friend, is that how it’s done?

I sound so naive, but my last partner was the best man at my wedding (it sounds like we ran away together when I put it like that-but that’s another story)  I knew him for a while, we were good friends.  I have always had more male friends, but there aren’t any of them that I would consider dating now, I know them all TOO WELL.

So, how do I date?

I have looked at the dating sites for the disabled, it’s not that I don’t want to date someone with a disability, but just as I don’t have a preference on hair colour or even skin colour I don’t feel that because I have my own disability that I should be defined by it.

So, I ask again, how do the blind date?

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