Tag Archive for doing it

11 Jul 2014
Blind Blog

Still on a high.

As you will all have realised, April has been and gone, Easter is over and we are all awaiting the rain of the school holidays!

I am now a member of Calshot climbing wall, having completed my course three months ago. With just the odd week missed I have been up a wall every week since!

And how things have changed.

I still climb with my buddy Simon, who I now belay while he climbs, but the guidance I get from him has greatly reduced, not because of a miraculous improvement in my sight or a change of colour to all the walls and holds!

But because I have found a way of my own to climb, which may not be conventional. But sod conventions…… It works for me!

I find my triangle point so that I am safe to move either an arm or a leg off of the wall and the sweep it to find the next holds. Doing this means that sometimes I miss a much easier hold, but then where would the fun be if I only held the easy holds.

I am still enjoying it as much, if not more than I did all those months ago.

I now have my own harness which is so very comfortable and I am looking to what I can achieve in the future with my climbing.

So watch this space !!!!

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21 Apr 2014
Blind Blog • Days Out

When the guide dog became the attraction at the zoo


My guide dog is often admired when we are out and about.  Many people are surprised when they see a dog in an inside environment, such as a shopping centre or cinema.  But people appear much more surprised when they meet us at somewhere like a theme park.

As it’s the Easter weekend I got the opportunity to go to Drayton Manor to visit Thomas Land with my little boy.  We had a fabulous time in the park, lots of rides and my GD Vicky enjoyed all the fussing she was getting while we waited in line for our turn.

She didn’t go on any of the rides with us, she stayed with one of our party so that I had her to guide me, but didn’t have to miss out on the fun and thrills of the rides.

Drayton Manor have their own zoo with a collection of owls, monkeys and a black leopard.

Having phoned ahead of our visit, I had spoken with one of the keepers and they were happy for my GD to go into the zoo area, with the provision that if she of the animals appearedto be distressed I was to walk away.

There were numerous zoo staff around the zoo who were very happy to see us and help explain what was in the enclosures.

The monkeys were the first to spot Vicky.

They were very interested and intreaged by her.  They came up to the bars on their cage to see her.

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Photo 19-04-2014 14 02 43Photo 19-04-2014 14 02 43Then there was black leopard, she came right up to see Vicky, yet she wasn’t stressed or showing any aggression, just interest.

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And then there was the gibbons, they wanted to play, they were chatting away to Vicky and she in return was making noises to them too.  But again, with a zoo keeper on hand, I was reassured that this was friendly chatter that they often sharedamongst themselves during play times.

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Photo 19-04-2014 14 02 43I was able to get some lovely pictures of the animals in the zoo, so once home I could actually sit down and look through the pictures with my son and he was telling me about what he thought of when he had seen the animals.  For me, seeing animals when visiting the zoo with my children is not something that I get to do very often.

It is only in more recent years that zoo’s have allowed guide dogs and other assistance dogs into the grounds, with many restrictions for the safety of the animals and the dogs.  With Vicky by my side, both me and my son were able to have a much closer encounter to the animals than we had ever thought possible.

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26 Mar 2014
Blind Blog

Scaling a Mountain.

It has been a busy few weeks and I haven’t had a moment to catch my breath or update you all on what has been going on in the world of Tee.

After months, months and months of putting it off, I booked myself on a new course to really test my ability to do something that you wouldn’t usually find a VI doing. I did a taster course in rock climbing.

I know, many have questioned me “why rock climbing?’
The answer is simple. Since loosing my sight I have also lost my fear of heights.

So in answer to them, “Why not?’

I have a friend who introduced me to it, a few years ago when he spoke of how he used to climb, but as his climbing partner had moved away and life had got away with him, he hadn’t been.

So, I booked the course and off we went to Calshot, a fabulous climbing (among other things) facility.

Yellow indoor climbing wall with multiple coloured climbings holds and the centres logo "Calshot Activity Centre" written in black across the middle of the wall.

Unfortunately, like many great places, it is a 60 mile round trip. But definitely worth the trip. But as you can see from the images, they have some wonderful climbs.

I was incredibly nervous. More so, when we arrived and I was the only girl doing the course. Other than my friend, the seven other men were on a work night out. My nerves were soon settled by the course instructor Adam.

Upon completing the online booking form for the course, I had detailed my visual impairment, so Adam was prepared. He was happy to take his time with me to feel and understand the harness before I put it on. He explained that he had never worked with a visually impaired climber before, so if I needed more help or even less, to just be honest with him, so that he can ensure me the best possible experience whilst being safe.

Pan view of Calshot climbing walls. Shows several of the centres climbing walls, each of which is in a different colour, with multiple coloured climbing holds. The yellow at the far right of the image has a person climbing half way up to the top.

We all went out to the first wall after we had put our harnesses on, ready to start our experience. As their was nine on the course, we were put into groups of three’s. That gave each team a climber, a belay and an anchor, giving each of us the opportunity to have several goes within each role.

It is hard for me to put into words how it felt the first time I started to climb. It was a mixture of nerves, panic, strain and probably the biggest dose of adrenaline I have felt in an incredibly long time.

Having had the opportunity to belay before I climbed, the concern I had about someone holding my weight was quashed. The guy I belayed was quite tall and heavier than me, but when I was helping guide him down, he didn’t feel it. (I am a girl after all and weight it always a concern, one that doesn’t decrease as my sight does!)

So, standing in front of the wall (the blue wall shown in the photograph above) and looking at it in such closeness.

I froze.

I literally hit a wall.

I could see the blue of the wall, but I could only make out the occasional climbing holds, which all seemed to be much further away than my hands and feet could reach.  So I started, reaching first with my hands and hap-hazardly with my feet, but I was on my way, very slowly.  This was where Simon came in, he started to explain to me where I could move, simple instructions like “left foot left knee’  but it was enough… It meant that although I couldn’t see the holds by my feet or even my feet for that matter, I could see my hands and where they could go, with the explanations from the ground I made it about half way, before fear and emotion kicked in.

Once getting back on the ground and speaking with Simon and Adam, they explained that often the belayer will give such instructions from the ground to the climber, regardless of skill.  As it was often easier to see a hold from the ground.

After we had all had a chance to scale this wall, we were taken to a different wall, this was where Adam showed his concern for my sight and my ability.  As he had moved us to a wall that had an over-hang on it, which he was concerned that if I were to climb it, I may hit my head.  So he placed my team on a wall slightly away from the main group.  To a yellow wall, that went straight up.

The yellow was easier to see the holds on (well most of them) as the lighting on this side of the centre was clearer too.

I could go on and on about what it was like to climb this wall, but I’m not here to bore you.

After we had climbed, we went back to the team room to de-harness and this was when after the others had left, I was able to have a very honest conversation with Adam and Simon.  Adam was already able to see that I had ‘caught the bug’ and he was so kind as to talk me through different harnesses, climbing shoes and different options for learning to climb.

As we were leaving, he even gave me my own piece of 10mm rope so that I could learn to make a ‘figure of 8’ and practice it in preparation for taking part in the induction training course.

So, my new love affair began…..

That was six weeks ago now!!  My induction course is booked for April, but in the meantime I have been climbing pretty much every week as Simon’s guest at the climbing wall.

(But that is another post….)

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19 Feb 2014
Blind Blog

The pooch surprises me again.

My guide dog has given me so much independence and confidence to do things in the 4 1/2 yeas we have been working together, she has also listened to all my woes and never told a soul.

She is now in a stage in her working glide where she is slowing down and her ‘stubborn retriever’ personality is overpowering her guide dog training.  But she is still working, I have had to allow myself time to adjust to this slower pace, but a slower guide dog is still a much better option than a long cane.  Definitely for me, although I am aware that isn’t the case for everyone.

When she was trained, Vicky also recovered additional ‘target training’ from her handler.  This means I can say key words and she will find these for me, for me, this is key when out and about, she is trained for crossing buttons, bins, postboxes, doors, counters and lifts.  Since being with me, she has picked up a few extras from the ‘usual’ places we go to.  She can now find cash points, she can also find a costa coffee house, even in towns we have never visited before.

But tonight she surprised me totally with her target.  Arriving in town we popped to the cashpoint, then leaving there I said “let’s go to the pub then” to which her posture stiffened and she was off, passed the ‘local’ pub that we were stood near into the nicer pub, which was the one we haven’t been in for months and months.  But she knew!

The costa coffee I could put down to being a ‘far too regular a route’ but the pub?  She didn’t just go to the one we were stood by.

Tonight, after what has been a challenging time with her has just affirmed how much more than a mobility aid she is.  She has a memory, she can think on her paws and she does so much more for me than get me from A to B.  She keeps me independant.

Oh and tonight she got me a free drink from a stranger while I waited for my friend!!! BONUS

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07 Feb 2014
Blind Blog

Technology Sees’ Everything

I would say that I am a tech reliant vip. The reason for this is because I don’t go anywhere without my iPhone, iPad and headphones. No I am not an apple geek, but I am reliant on google maps, street view and up to the minute travel planning such as ‘Travel line’, ‘National Rail’ and even local weather, all of which have fabulous little app’s.

When travelling somewhere new, I am meticulous at planning my route, my first port of call is The Travel Line, where all I need to do is put in a start and end point. I can even put the time I either want to leave, or arrive by. It will then come up with a list of travel options for me that include walking, buses, ferries, coaches and trains. This is where I can ‘tweak’ it to my preferences, for example, I can put the maximum time I am happy to walk between other transport. I can even view the route on a map, which is animated to show me through the whole trip, with icons for walking, buses, ferries and trains. Which I can zoom in on the work out.

If I am travelling by train, I can then check up on all the information that I need via the National Rail app. The reason I check this too, is because it will break the information down even further. It will list each of the stops that the train will make, it will also tell me which platform the train departs from and arrives on…. This is particularly handy if I need to change trains at a station, as I can navigate much more by myself without additional assistance. (although if I need it, I will ask for help from the station staff)

I will plan my route from home and then take ‘screen shots’ of the information or even save the travel details to my calendar, just incase I have no internet access via wifi or 3g on my travels.

When planning my route, lines on a map do nothing for me. So I am an avid fan of googles ‘street view’ this enables me to visualise the route from a bus stop, along a walk or even find short cuts, that the route planners may not show.

This is of course only as good as the information that has been recorded, for example if I street view my own house, I see the driveway in its old position, not it’s actually how it is now.

But as the map navigation is continually updated, I (as yet) haven’t become completely stuck because of it.

An example of this was earlier this week, when I had to visit the Southampton offices for Guide Dogs. An office that is a ‘tad’ out of the way for guide dog owners.

So I planned my route at home, based on the time that I needed to arrive, then to allow for delays, followed the details for the slightly earlier journey.

Which in this instant was needed.

Having navigated to the train station and from there to the bus stop needed in southampton, I even asked for assistant from the people at the stop with me, to help with the bus I needed. As a major calling point all of the other buses that came to the stop all pulled in. My bus didn’t and the person who said they would help me, did help, but only to tell me that the bus had driven straight past!

So, out came my phone to check the time of the next bus from the stop I was at…. And it wouldn’t be for another hour. So the Costa next to the stop enabled me to piggyback on wifi (as it is faster than 3g, which I would have used if no wifi was available)

Thankfully, there was another bus that would take me to Chilworth where the office is situated. It was however, 15 minutes walk from where I was, in an area of Southampton that I wasn’t familiar with. So, out came the headphones and on when google maps.

I was able to navigate and instruct Vicky my guide dog without having to look at my phone at all.

I have ‘over ear’ headphones so that I can comfortably listen to information that I need, and have one ear free to hear my surroundings. Plus I have never been a fan of in-ear as I find them too good at noise cancelling and also, quite uncomfortable as my ears are quite sensitive.

So, with my bit of tech I was able to find my way to the other bus. Once getting on, having double checked the number and that it stopped where I wanted imagine my surprise and relief when the driver said ” my bus has audio, so you will know when we are approaching your stop.”

There is an Eclipse route between Fareham and Gosport that has audio on it, just like you get only trains! But I wasn’t aware of other services or even other bus companies were using it.

So instead of having to rely on my iPhone and it’s apps, I would just sit back, relax and listen for my destination.

Audio announcements on buses is a major plus for many people, not just us VIPs, it works for people who are unfamiliar to the area or those travelling in the dark. Because, unlike trains you can’t count the stops on a bus as the bus does t always stop!!

So, with the help of all this tech I am able to gain even greater independence, without having to fully rely on others, I can also use public transport instead of more expensive taxis thanks to free apps that are available for smartphone and iPhone users alike.

 

 

 

 

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30 Jan 2014
Blind Blog

Silly Sewing

My daughter moved from Rainbows to Cubs in September. She has been a very busy bee with her challenges, leaving me with the joy of sewing them on.

Until recently I had called upon my ex-partner to do this, but on Monday evening when Alannah came to me stating she needed her art challenge badge sewn on before her meeting in 45 minutes time! Eek….. It was down to me to get out the needle and tread.

Well, you can imagine, just threading the needle to start with was fun! Not.

Then trying to figure out where the badge needed to be placed followed with a quick call to a friend who is a cub leader.

Calm restored, the sewing began. It went very well, it was neatly done and in the right place as described to me.

Although the badge itself…. Was upside down!

Dilemma struck.

Do I un-pick it and send her in in-complete uniform or make her look a fool?

I admitted defeat and un-picked it.

Alannah explained to AJ her leader about my ‘silly sewing’ And came home with yet another badge for me!

Thankfully she didn’t loose points for my mistake and I have already had an email offering me sewing support too.

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18 Dec 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

See My Way

As I have always had my eye condition, I struggle to explain it to others as I am not aware of what it is like to see with good vision. I can explain how it has changed and talk of what I can see now, in comparison to what I could see several months or even years ago. So I thought people might like to see what I see, this is not easy to do and with the simple computer software that I have, it isn’t a true representation. But I thought you might like to take a look.

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I wanted to show you, what I DON’T SEE….

I can’t see as far as this, or with as much peripheral. What I can see isn’t as clear either unless it is something at the end of my nose.

The left shows the tweaked view, with the original filming on the right. This was recorded during a walk one morning to the train station on my iPhone to give people an idea.

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04 Nov 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

Learning to forget to look…., Not ready for that yet!

Although I am registered as ‘blind’ I do have some sight, all be it distance vision that doesn’t even get me the top line on the eye chart and central vision with a peripheral of less than 10%, a figure that has recently reduced by 17%…. Feel free to do the math on that! To me it means just one thing

“my remaining sight is deteriating and quicker that I really would like”

Making the most of my remaining sight is key, and by actually using my eyes I am causing no harm, nor am I strengthening them. The deterioration of my retina is uncontrolled and unmapped.

So, by now you may feel confused by the title of this latest blog, well let me explain. As my sight has deteriorated, my eye’s and the period for which I can use them to concentrate on anything has reduced dramatically. In theory anyway, I say this, because I can still spend hours watching a really good film, of which without the aid of audio descript I miss a large percentage of it.

But for this I suffer.

As my eyes tire from the concentration, they in fact become dry, and difficult to close without seeing vivid flashing images on my eyelids.

As I said above, having missed a large percentage of a film, I now rely fully on Audio Descript and do not strain or even try to see what is actually happening on the screen. This has given me back my love of the cinema in recent months, so that is a bonus!

But there is one part of my life that I can’t stop over concentrating on and overworking my eyes, that is my phone, my laptop and my iPad. All of which have fabulous built in accessible software, after all Steve Jobs insisted that technology was assessable to all, not as an after thought, but as part of its design, hence why all my tech is Apple…. That and the fact that originally my training before my sight loss was in Design and if it was design, it HAD TO BE Apple.

Anywho, I digress. I have dragon and Siri that enable me to speak to my tech for it to then type my words. I have magnification, I even have voice over. And yes for you techno-phobes, it even works on touch screen. Even more so since the IOS 7 update!

But the thing is….

I have SOME vision and I can’t help but use it.

I can touch type and thankfully have been able to do this from a very young age (I think I was about 8) so I don’t have to look at the keyboard or technically the screen either, but I do like to proof read what I have written, especially when it comes to emails, letters and more recently college assignments.

It is a college assignment that has in fact lead me to write about this. You see, it is currently 4.15am on a Monday morning, having been working on my latest assignment that is due in at 9am THIS MORNING. I am now not able to sleep, even though it would be a really good idea if I could as I have a 4 hour lecture and a gym class later today too!

The question you are probably asking right now as you read that last paragraph, is what the….? Yes, I did leave this assignment a little later than others, but actually that isn’t the reason why I am up so late with it.

The REAL reason I was working on it so late, was because of my wish to see what I am doing and the light levels. You see even with the daylight lamp on, if it is too dark in the rest of the room, I struggle greatly to focus on all of my work, as the light level varies from that under the lamp to the rest of the room.

With the darker evenings (which in fact cause the darker days) I am able to sit down with a suitable light that illuminates the whole room at about 6pm.

This is slap bang in the middle of feeding time at my zoo, then comes baths, books and cuddles before bed for my 2 little monsters. So that 6pm soon becomes 8pm and I’m sure you can see where I am going from here?

I have tried and tested myself with this, so that I can understand what I can do without suffering and what I can’t achieve without the suffering.

The short answer is not much.

Once I hit 2.5 – 3 hours thats it, I can look at spending at least that again letting my eyes settle down. The good news is that if I extend that to 5 hours, that doesn’t increase the ‘down time’ that I need.

So, to save my sanity, especially in the winter months I need to start to stop looking.

But its hard, emotionally more than anything….. The reason is because, one day I wont ACTUALLY be able to see it, so while I can why shouldn’t I?

If your sight were or if your sight is deteriating would you want to stop seeing all the things you can see now knowing that in the future you will have no choice but not to see them?

This is a tricky argument that I have had with a few people, you see the one point I struggle with is that apart from the lack of sleep, I am not causing myself any harm, I am certainly not causing my eye’s damage.

This I have checked, double checked and yes, you got it TRIPLE CHECKED!!

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17 Oct 2013
Blind Blog

Getting a handle on things

As I have mentioned before, my guide dog has given me so much freedom and Independence, more than I feel I would have if I had continued to use my cane on a daily basis.

Vicky, however has decided that she is getting tired of her role as my guide dog and in recent months has slowed her pace considerably, to the point sometimes that I feel like we are standing still… She has had several health issues and in the past two years having suffered with a growth on her tonsil she has been receiving daily medication in the form of an inhaler. This has enabled her to breath easier. She is happy working and has been assessed several times as I would not wish to work her if she were not happy.

She is still very happy to work, her tail is testament to that, it is just that it is at a slower pace, a pace that is too slow for me.

Having celebrated her Eight birthday, thats Fifty Six in dog years!

The decision was taken last week to retire her from service, when a suitable replacement has been found or she decides she is no longer happy to work, which ever comes first.

This decision has been one that has been at the back of my mind for a little while now, so was not as a complete shock. But as she is such an amazing part of me and my family it is still one that fills me with upset.

I had commented before that when Vicky was to retire I would go on to work with a new dog, which I am still going to do. But I was not prepared for what happened next at the guide dog assessors visit last week!

To be matched with the ‘right dog’ it is important that the guide dog team know as much about your lifestyle as possible. This includes your usual day, places you visit, hobbies, interests, other family members, other pets, etc etc.

I had thought about this bit, I had even written a list, a list that is four times longer than the list I had when applying for Vicky, a list that impressed the assessor as it gave her a very detailed account of my life and what I would need from a dog.

This was all good….. Then E, my assessor invited me to do a ‘handle walk’ This is where she would hold the harness and work with me as if she were the dog.

This is a way of her understanding and judging my pace, stride length and most importantly control and balance, which are key for matching me with the right dog.

So off we went for a walk down my street, where all my neighbours know me and just in time for the mums at the pre-school to be walking past on their way for lunch pick ups.

I vaguely remember the handle walk from when I applied for Vicky, but this time it felt completely different, because I knew what I was doing, well….. In theory that is!

So, off we went. E told me that she was sniffing and I was to correct her, this is the same with a dog, (although with the dog on the harness you can feel them putting their head down to sniff, Vicky doesn’t actually talk to me) It is a vocal correction, where tone is key, if this doesn’t work then it is a correction using the harness, not to hurt the dog, but to stop them. This must be carried out with the correct verbal warning, where timing is crucial. Followed by immediate praise when the dog responds, which again is a different tone.

Then came the praise. Me walking along the street with a grown woman holding the front end of a harness, while I held the harness, telling her she was a ‘good girl’ as one of my daughters dinner ladies walked passed.

Another part of the test was my instructions. E had to find the crossing having been targeted to it, I then had to praise her with a soft yet exciting warm tone (thankfully she was happy for me to forgo the ear rub that they encourage in a new partnership!)

It was back to basics, time to put in place all of the commands that I use daily with Vicky, foot positions that have become second nature, so much so that when E asked me to stand in the ‘starting off position’ I FROZE. I couldn’t remember what this was or how I did it. E understood my hesitation and reassured me that I had used the correct position when we had taken Vicky on her walk earlier. But with E stood beside me I couldn’t remember it. Thankfully she came to my rescue and reminded me of what to do, a simple foot position that sets you off to walk forward or turn left or right in a fluid motion with the dog.

A motion that had become so fluid in fact that when I had to think about it, I couldn’t do it.

We worked on my preferred pace, my pace with the children and my ability to follow. This assessment was the same as the one I had had to complete when I first applied for a guide dog, because having had one dog did not automatically qualify me for another.

I have been assessed as fit to work with a new dog, awaiting medical conformation, which is standard practice. When received I will be put on the waiting list for my next dog.

This is a scary, yet exciting prospect. But one that will only help strengthen me for my future.

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28 Jun 2013
About Me

It sounded so simple…. Then you put me in the mix!

As well as blogging I keep up to date with friends and family via my Facebook account, the other day after what had started out as a fun conversation I put myself on the line and admitted to having been forced to admit that I had a limitation.

Yes…. I hear you all say, everyone does.  But this limitation wasn’t even something I had ever considered before, or even wanted to do.  And in the grand scheme of life is very unimportant and changes nothing.  But I started to bother me.

I thought the easiest way for you to see what I am talking about is to copy the post in below, including the comments.  As to protect the identity of my friends I have re-written the post and named them F1, F2 etc, etc.

I would be interested to follow on this conversation further, so feel free to comment yourself underneath on here.

THE STATUS:    An honest conversation with a trusted friend has made me realise that with my sight, there are some things I just won’t ever do….. Some I can get around, fudge through in a different way with help & support.  But today the realisation that there is something I won’t ever do, silly thing is that its only a small thing too…. But feeling 🙁

 

ME:  And it wasn’t even anything I though would bother me, it’s the realisation of limitation not the thing I can’t do.  Even my stubborn streak won’t get me through this one.

F1:  You will get through it hun!  Been there – spend some time wallowing in self pity and then equally important pick yourself up and get on with what you CAN do!

ME:  I know-its the kids, home, college, work is all that matters, but it’t limitations of not being able to do something so very simple for others——-even a small child can do it!

F1:  Yep!  Let yourself spend some time feeling sad, don’t try and ignore it.  Have a bath, get in you pj’s and bring out the chocolate!

F2:  If you don’t mind me asking, what is it?

ME:  Its very silly and ridiculous…….. Juggling!!!    Having looked after Miss Key the other evening while Mst Key & Simon Key did a juggling with scouts.  Mst Key came back telling how great it was & how his dad could teach anyone to do it, it never interested me, bit it set the challenge & the thinking cogs working.  So had a good talk about it & the answer was NO… I need to be able to follow the movement, although I do have some vision.  I have no ability to judge distance or quick movement.

Its not the juggling that is the issue, its the fact that it points out a limitation.  For example, I am not allowed to drive a car (legally) & have a driving license.  But  I can physically drive a car, on private property with the right support.  I know how to do it & can do it.  Its a silly thing, but its these little bits for me that stand out as a limitation.  That having discussed the options of making it accessible isn’t there, if I wish I could play blind football, blind cricket, if I so desired, silly isn’t it?

F2:  I don’t see why you can’t try??  Think of how much fun it would be.  Just make sure you use soft balls so not to knock anyone out though! 🙂  Nothing is impossible, we place on ourselves our own limitations so if you say you can’t then you won’t, if you say to hell with it I am going to have a go…. then you have got nothing to lose and if you prove yourself right they you can say hell at least I tried!!

F3:  I think the thing is that you have to have a base to start with.  If you know that it is something that might be nearly impossible to do before you start, then if you still want to try then you don’t set your hopes up too high.  The bonus is that i you did achieve it then it would make it all the more special. let me have a think, I’m sure Mst Key is right.  He tells me enough that he is 🙂

F2:  Nearly impossible! See not impossible at all 🙂

F3:  just have to be realistic.  Thats all I’m saying, what the hell, I have been learning 5 for 6 years !!!!

F2:  There is being realistic though and shattering poor Theresa’s juggling dreams.  I anyone can you can Mr Key 🙂 xx

ME:  Oh dear, what have I started?  It’s not the juggling that is the point here.

F3:  Well it kind of is and isn’t.  I think the point is that you wont know what you can and can’t do till you try……

F2:  Excellent!  I look forward to hearing your juggling tales Theresa and Mr Key.

ME:  It’s got taken all out of context, I don’t really want to juggle.  I hate the word ‘Can’t’ I know what you meant when you explained it, no it’s not impossible, bit it just highlights the fact that I can’t just grab a set of balls & get going.  You said yourself that you need to think about how!  It’s something highly skilled when you get to your level, but at the same time it’s very basic and simple at the start point.  And I can’t just get on and have a go.  This sees me start thinking & analysing other things I can do or can’t do & the spiral starts & thats why it was never about the actually juggling… Hence why I never put it in the start of this post!  I appreciate the support & kind words from you all.  I’m not as has been suggested (by pm) fishing for sympathy or compliments on what I can do or try.  I wrote this because it was how I was feeling & at that very same moment on looking at Facebook it just felt right to put into words, stop it just being in my head & driving me even more crazy!

F3:  Nope no taking it back now lol.

F2:  Nope, you can’t back out now.  Learn to juggle woman then you can pass your juggling wisdom to me 🙂

_____________________________________________________________

It makes for this being a rather long blog, but I hope it gives you an idea of my thoughts.  Juggling isn’t the issue for me, its not even something like I said earlier that is of great interest.  It merely highlights that for me to do some things, I need to set myself up in a very different way than others.  Have to alter the way in which I do things.  My friends were being helpful with their comments, I am always open to constructive criticism.

I grew up not seeing myself differently to others, but now I do…… I feel so very different.

And this is the point.

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