Tag Archive for blurred vision

15 Aug 2014
Blind Blog

Where would a blindie be without an Iphone?

As my sight has deteriorated, the brightness, font size and contrast have all increased on my phone. Now Siri has become my best friend and now that I have turned on the voice over, my phone is even more accessible than ever.

I have also found the camera to a fabulous addition to my life. It has enabled me to take numerous pictures of my children playing, birds flying, animals on a farm and today a squirrel. I have found that so far in the summer holidays I have taken nearly 100 photos a time when we have been out and about. Not because I am boring everyone on Facebook with what I have been doing. But so that I can see what the children have been doing, for example when they are playing on the swings in the park. Or when they are feeding a goat at the farm. These are just photos for me, many of them get deleted, but it means that I can watch them later or even use the zoom feature to watch them or check on them while they are running around.

Some people curse smart phones and Iphones, but for me having all these features with me enhances my independence not only with my children, but when I am shopping. I used the camera just yesterday to take an image of a shelf price that I couldn’t read. Because with magnification and holding at the right level, I can read it.

I can’t live without mine now. It is a way of communicating with friends and family, my Sat Nav, CCTV, document reader and so much more.

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11 Jul 2014
Blind Blog

Still on a high.

As you will all have realised, April has been and gone, Easter is over and we are all awaiting the rain of the school holidays!

I am now a member of Calshot climbing wall, having completed my course three months ago. With just the odd week missed I have been up a wall every week since!

And how things have changed.

I still climb with my buddy Simon, who I now belay while he climbs, but the guidance I get from him has greatly reduced, not because of a miraculous improvement in my sight or a change of colour to all the walls and holds!

But because I have found a way of my own to climb, which may not be conventional. But sod conventions…… It works for me!

I find my triangle point so that I am safe to move either an arm or a leg off of the wall and the sweep it to find the next holds. Doing this means that sometimes I miss a much easier hold, but then where would the fun be if I only held the easy holds.

I am still enjoying it as much, if not more than I did all those months ago.

I now have my own harness which is so very comfortable and I am looking to what I can achieve in the future with my climbing.

So watch this space !!!!

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04 May 2014
Blind Blog

Insight in to the future – I didn’t like it

Yesterday morning I ran out of hayfever tablets, and it wasn’t until getting ready to go to bed after my eyes had felt ‘scratchy’ all evening that I remembered. But within few short minutes it was too late.

The damage was done and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

My eyes started to weep a sticky kind of tear, my eye lids swelled and involuntarily my eyes were closed.

Painfully so, too the point that I had to physically pull them open to try to put drops in, but the pain was so great I gave up on that idea.

All of this is down to my hay-fever, not my eye condition. So I wasn’t overly concerned.

But I wasn’t prepared for what happened and how what followed made me feel.

Not being able to put the eye drops in, the only other option was sleep or try too.

But to get to bed, I first had to turn off the lights and ‘close-up’ the house for the night.

I can and often do walk around my house without the lights on and I know where everything is … Well, maybe apart from the odd toy, or worse a large dog smoked bone !!

But, this was very different.

If I close my eyes when all the lights are on, I can still see the brightness from the lights through my eyelids.

And this was exactly what it was like last night, only because of the swelling and pain, I couldn’t just open my eyes a see the shapes of the lights.

This brightness was very uncomfortable, and more upsetting than I though possible.

Walking around the house turning off the lights was something that physically I could do, but emotionally it was heart breaking.

It wasn’t until the house was in complete darkness that I was able to feel calm again.

There is likely to come a time in the not so distant future when all that I will be able to see is light from dark, with possible shadowing.

Lastnight was an insight (pun intended) to what that world will feel like.

And I don’t think it is ever a world that I will he ready for.

Although registered as severely sight impaired, which many class as ‘blind’ (even in the medical world) I can still see, all be it small amounts in little detail, this is enough, my brain and memory can fill in the rest.

How will my memory cope with filling in the rest when all I can see is light and dark?

How will I tell that my children are amiling if I can only see their shadows?

Will I ever be able to cope with the fact that my sight is ever diminishing?

Or understanding how I will fit in an ever shrinking world?

Any ideas would be grateful received.

Thank you.

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21 Apr 2014
Blind Blog • Days Out

When the guide dog became the attraction at the zoo


My guide dog is often admired when we are out and about.  Many people are surprised when they see a dog in an inside environment, such as a shopping centre or cinema.  But people appear much more surprised when they meet us at somewhere like a theme park.

As it’s the Easter weekend I got the opportunity to go to Drayton Manor to visit Thomas Land with my little boy.  We had a fabulous time in the park, lots of rides and my GD Vicky enjoyed all the fussing she was getting while we waited in line for our turn.

She didn’t go on any of the rides with us, she stayed with one of our party so that I had her to guide me, but didn’t have to miss out on the fun and thrills of the rides.

Drayton Manor have their own zoo with a collection of owls, monkeys and a black leopard.

Having phoned ahead of our visit, I had spoken with one of the keepers and they were happy for my GD to go into the zoo area, with the provision that if she of the animals appearedto be distressed I was to walk away.

There were numerous zoo staff around the zoo who were very happy to see us and help explain what was in the enclosures.

The monkeys were the first to spot Vicky.

They were very interested and intreaged by her.  They came up to the bars on their cage to see her.

Photo 19-04-2014 13 48 51

Photo 19-04-2014 14 02 43Photo 19-04-2014 14 02 43Then there was black leopard, she came right up to see Vicky, yet she wasn’t stressed or showing any aggression, just interest.

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And then there was the gibbons, they wanted to play, they were chatting away to Vicky and she in return was making noises to them too.  But again, with a zoo keeper on hand, I was reassured that this was friendly chatter that they often sharedamongst themselves during play times.

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Photo 19-04-2014 14 02 43I was able to get some lovely pictures of the animals in the zoo, so once home I could actually sit down and look through the pictures with my son and he was telling me about what he thought of when he had seen the animals.  For me, seeing animals when visiting the zoo with my children is not something that I get to do very often.

It is only in more recent years that zoo’s have allowed guide dogs and other assistance dogs into the grounds, with many restrictions for the safety of the animals and the dogs.  With Vicky by my side, both me and my son were able to have a much closer encounter to the animals than we had ever thought possible.

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26 Mar 2014
Blind Blog

Scaling a Mountain.

It has been a busy few weeks and I haven’t had a moment to catch my breath or update you all on what has been going on in the world of Tee.

After months, months and months of putting it off, I booked myself on a new course to really test my ability to do something that you wouldn’t usually find a VI doing. I did a taster course in rock climbing.

I know, many have questioned me “why rock climbing?’
The answer is simple. Since loosing my sight I have also lost my fear of heights.

So in answer to them, “Why not?’

I have a friend who introduced me to it, a few years ago when he spoke of how he used to climb, but as his climbing partner had moved away and life had got away with him, he hadn’t been.

So, I booked the course and off we went to Calshot, a fabulous climbing (among other things) facility.

Yellow indoor climbing wall with multiple coloured climbings holds and the centres logo "Calshot Activity Centre" written in black across the middle of the wall.

Unfortunately, like many great places, it is a 60 mile round trip. But definitely worth the trip. But as you can see from the images, they have some wonderful climbs.

I was incredibly nervous. More so, when we arrived and I was the only girl doing the course. Other than my friend, the seven other men were on a work night out. My nerves were soon settled by the course instructor Adam.

Upon completing the online booking form for the course, I had detailed my visual impairment, so Adam was prepared. He was happy to take his time with me to feel and understand the harness before I put it on. He explained that he had never worked with a visually impaired climber before, so if I needed more help or even less, to just be honest with him, so that he can ensure me the best possible experience whilst being safe.

Pan view of Calshot climbing walls. Shows several of the centres climbing walls, each of which is in a different colour, with multiple coloured climbing holds. The yellow at the far right of the image has a person climbing half way up to the top.

We all went out to the first wall after we had put our harnesses on, ready to start our experience. As their was nine on the course, we were put into groups of three’s. That gave each team a climber, a belay and an anchor, giving each of us the opportunity to have several goes within each role.

It is hard for me to put into words how it felt the first time I started to climb. It was a mixture of nerves, panic, strain and probably the biggest dose of adrenaline I have felt in an incredibly long time.

Having had the opportunity to belay before I climbed, the concern I had about someone holding my weight was quashed. The guy I belayed was quite tall and heavier than me, but when I was helping guide him down, he didn’t feel it. (I am a girl after all and weight it always a concern, one that doesn’t decrease as my sight does!)

So, standing in front of the wall (the blue wall shown in the photograph above) and looking at it in such closeness.

I froze.

I literally hit a wall.

I could see the blue of the wall, but I could only make out the occasional climbing holds, which all seemed to be much further away than my hands and feet could reach.  So I started, reaching first with my hands and hap-hazardly with my feet, but I was on my way, very slowly.  This was where Simon came in, he started to explain to me where I could move, simple instructions like “left foot left knee’  but it was enough… It meant that although I couldn’t see the holds by my feet or even my feet for that matter, I could see my hands and where they could go, with the explanations from the ground I made it about half way, before fear and emotion kicked in.

Once getting back on the ground and speaking with Simon and Adam, they explained that often the belayer will give such instructions from the ground to the climber, regardless of skill.  As it was often easier to see a hold from the ground.

After we had all had a chance to scale this wall, we were taken to a different wall, this was where Adam showed his concern for my sight and my ability.  As he had moved us to a wall that had an over-hang on it, which he was concerned that if I were to climb it, I may hit my head.  So he placed my team on a wall slightly away from the main group.  To a yellow wall, that went straight up.

The yellow was easier to see the holds on (well most of them) as the lighting on this side of the centre was clearer too.

I could go on and on about what it was like to climb this wall, but I’m not here to bore you.

After we had climbed, we went back to the team room to de-harness and this was when after the others had left, I was able to have a very honest conversation with Adam and Simon.  Adam was already able to see that I had ‘caught the bug’ and he was so kind as to talk me through different harnesses, climbing shoes and different options for learning to climb.

As we were leaving, he even gave me my own piece of 10mm rope so that I could learn to make a ‘figure of 8’ and practice it in preparation for taking part in the induction training course.

So, my new love affair began…..

That was six weeks ago now!!  My induction course is booked for April, but in the meantime I have been climbing pretty much every week as Simon’s guest at the climbing wall.

(But that is another post….)

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14 Jan 2014
Blind Blog

Inquizative Cubs

Having a friend that is a cub leader I was invited by him to speak to his cub group about my sight, having a guide dog and help them to understand that people have differences in how they communicate and see the world.

I have done talks before about having and using a guide dog, I have even visited my daughters school to explain about Vicky and as the age of the children increased, the questions moved away from guide dogs and included things like “how do you see your mouth to put food in it?” “How do you see your bottom to wipe it when you’ve been to the loo?” (Which horrified the teacher. Thankfully not me.

So, I started my talk explaining about Vicky, what she did for me, how to react when you see someone with a guide dog, the usual awareness type talk. I then went on to explain about ‘being blind’ and what I couldn’t see rather than what I can’t, after all as I always explain about my sight, I don’t know what I can’t see.

With the help of an app on my iPad that shoes an example of what it is to see with particular eye conditions I was able to show them what a picture looks like for me.

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They say apicturespeaks a thousand words. Would you agree?

VisionSim of Family Plaque Family plaque by Charming Little Home

Above on the left is how I see (without the blackness or red ring) on the right is the actual photograph. With the cubs I did this by taking an image of their cub leader, they were all amazed by it.

The cubs were fantastic, they asked lots of questions including how my guide dog guides me, so by splitting the group up to make a corridor, leaving one child sitting in the middle of it, I showed them.

Vicky walked me along and when she came to the obstacle (the child) she stopped and stood, she ignored the child. I gave her the command to walk on, but as there was no space for us to do that she sat down. I asked her to find the way and she turned me around and walked around the children instead.

I went on to talk about Braille and allowed the children to see an example of this. Again this bought up many questions.

My talk lasted over 40 minutes, but the cubs sat happily listening and asking questions. Speaking with the leader afterwards he told me that he had never seen them so enthusiastic about listening and learning before.

I got a lot out of my talk with the cubs, I just hope that they did to.

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18 Dec 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

See My Way

As I have always had my eye condition, I struggle to explain it to others as I am not aware of what it is like to see with good vision. I can explain how it has changed and talk of what I can see now, in comparison to what I could see several months or even years ago. So I thought people might like to see what I see, this is not easy to do and with the simple computer software that I have, it isn’t a true representation. But I thought you might like to take a look.

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I wanted to show you, what I DON’T SEE….

I can’t see as far as this, or with as much peripheral. What I can see isn’t as clear either unless it is something at the end of my nose.

The left shows the tweaked view, with the original filming on the right. This was recorded during a walk one morning to the train station on my iPhone to give people an idea.

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08 Dec 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

It’s official, I am annoying !!

Last week saw me attend my 9 monthly checkup at Moorfields eye hospital.

My condition LCA is grouped in with RP, retinitis pigmentosa, as it includes many of the se characteristics like night blindness, loss of peripheral vision. With LCA – Labers Congenital Amarosa, I also suffer with myopia (severe short-sightedness) and nystagmus (involuntary eye movement that is continual)

I am now down to finger counting in both eyes, when I used to get the top line of the eye chart stood at half the distance in my rift eye.

Given that six years ago I was between the second and third line on the eye chart (depending on the letters)

I have an incredibly strong prescription lenses, which is what gives me the sight I explained above. Without any glasses it is purely light and colour I can see without holding something above the top of my nose!

Please don’t be reading this and feel sorry for me, my sight is what it is, yes it may be worse than most, but it is much better than some.

So, up at Moorfields for my nine monthly check, I have noticed many little issues in the past few months and with the puppy being off work, I was even more aware of differences from the last time I had used my cane like this.

The long and the short of it, after four hours seeing a consultant, an eye scanning team, a retinal photographer, a registra and then my Proffessor, I have an increase in my cataracts (but not enough that they would risk laser surgery with my nystagmus) I have more noticable ‘floaters’ parts of my retina that is moving around in the eye jelly, a deteriation of my peripheral.

I can no longer do the peripheral eye test where you stick your head in a white bowl like test machine, stare at the red dot in the middle and press the button when you see a green dot.

Now they use the images they get from the scans and photo’s to tell me about my percentages. I have a difference of 21% from eighteen months ago, which sounds significant, but when I have less than 10% periferal it is even more…. I am not a mathamatitain, but even I can work out that that is a lot.

The cataracts are causing everything to feel as if it is either darker than it used to be or is unbearably bright when I have been in a darker environment.

So, the main reason I go to Moorfields is because I am part of DNA study to help with genetics for RP and LCA. So far they have found and researched 14 different genes…… And then there is me!

I told the registra that I liked to be different, he said I wasn’t different I was annoying. He actually called me annoying.

But then the Prof came in to see me, telling me of another study that I could be part of, very simple blood sample is all they need. He reminded me that my condition was definately not ticking any of the right boxes at the moment and making his and the research teams work ever harder. But that at the same time, he still found my scans and photographs magical.

So, I am offically annoying.

And that is exactly what is now written in my hospital notes too !!!

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23 Nov 2013
Blind Blog

It’s all about perception

Tonight when popping onto Facebook and catching up with my friends news a fellow ‘blindie’ posted about the trouble they had had when booking a table for a family dinner, when doing so she informed them about her guide dog that would be joining them.

She put up on Facebook that they would not recommend her bringing her guide dog is she could leave it home guide dog.

Having eaten at the restaurant before it is a tiny place, not that it is overcrowded, just small. When I ate there it was for a family celebration and as I was going to be enjoying the wine I left my trusted pooch home.

When in the restaurant, the waiters seemed to be struggling to move around the tables as all of the tables were occupied. The tables themselves were quite small especially considering the fact the meals included so many dishes per person.

I am maybe the one who is the devils advocate here, but I do try to look at both sides. To clarify I wasn’t part of the phone conversation, so can only comment on what has been posted on Facebook.

My friend who I shall call Bee says that when booking the table the person she spoke with was very rude.

As a guide dog owner I too have been on the receiving end of rudeness or in most cases, lack of understanding. It is surprising how many people, especially shop and restaurant owners aren’t aware that guide dogs and other assistants dogs are cleared by environmental health to enter their premises.

Bee felt that the restaurant were very rude and is asking guide his team to get involved because if the situation.

But is it real rudeness?

Is it a language barrier? On the telephone voices and accents can sound rude, when they are not understood or heard in the correct context.

Or is it something deeper?

Is it that as someone who is often discriminated against starts off on the back foot?

For those that have faced discrimination or difference just like me become overly defensive and instead of being assertive, form aggression toward certain subjects ?

As the post suggests, it’s all in the perception!!

If you read a Facebook status that a guide dog had been refused entry into a restaurant because of their guide dog. How would you respond?

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17 Sep 2013
About Me • Blind Blog

My guide dog & me

As a guide dog user my guide dog is an extension of me and my Independence. This wasn’t a concept that I truly understood until we had worked together for several years.
When I applied for my first guide dog back in 2009, I knew that it would make a difference to my life, but to what extent I was not aware. There have been both good sides and low sides to having a guide dog. The biggest thing for me of having a guide dog is the emotional, love and soppy side that officially guide dogs don’t tell you about. When applying for a dog and training you are told all about how important the bond within the partnership is, for that reason it is key to have a period of bonding with no interruptions from anyone else before the training starts.

For me, both my daughter and my partner went away for the weekend, Vicky arrived on the Friday afternoon and we spent the weekend together, just playing and spending time in the garden. I groomed her, tickled her tummy and fell in love with her.

I was very nervous about starting our training and if I would be able to do it, but she seemed to sense this and just kept on nuzzling me as if to say “it’s going to be ok”. The very same way she still does now when I am down or upset. Without this connection I do not feel that we would have the working relationship and connection that we do today.

She has enabled me walk with my head held high and regain my posture that had slowly been being lost as I had began to look at my feet so much to watch my step, rather than my surroundings and where I am.

There was a very steep learning curve with Vicky, I made mistakes, we made mistakes together and we gained a wonderful trust for each other, that only strengthened our working bond.

A working bond that appears to be coming to an end.

It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this blog, my sight is slowly deteriorating, but with Vicky by my side my independence is at its highest, allowing me to improve my health and my fitness. But at a time when she is slowing down and asking not to work so hard or so much.

Vicky has had her own health issues during our time together, for which she has an inhaler to help to open her airways to increase her breathing, which she has responded well to. But, with her Eighth birthday approaching next week she has been hinting that it is time to hang up the harness.

She is well, she is very happy and will allow me to put the harness on and work, but she is also holding back, she has reverted to working in a way that we did at the beginning.

She is wishing to walk me close to walls, shop fronts and buildings, which with it brings an unsettled and troublesome result. Walking and working in this way means that the walk is a start-stop, we have to continually walk back out to walk around obstacles like a-frames, bins, posts and even people.

Initially we had trained this way, but as both our confidences grew, we moved more into the middle of the path, for Vicky to revert back to this shows a sign of unhappiness and possible stress or lack of confidence in what she is doing.

So, with great discussions with her and my guide dog mobility team we have taken the step to look at her retirement and me moving on to work with another dog.

I will take the time over the next few weeks and months to open up more about this, but for now, before my heartbreak over takes me I will end this post here.

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to ask questions xx

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