As well as blogging I keep up to date with friends and family via my Facebook account, the other day after what had started out as a fun conversation I put myself on the line and admitted to having been forced to admit that I had a limitation.
Yes…. I hear you all say, everyone does. But this limitation wasn’t even something I had ever considered before, or even wanted to do. And in the grand scheme of life is very unimportant and changes nothing. But I started to bother me.
I thought the easiest way for you to see what I am talking about is to copy the post in below, including the comments. As to protect the identity of my friends I have re-written the post and named them F1, F2 etc, etc.
I would be interested to follow on this conversation further, so feel free to comment yourself underneath on here.
THE STATUS: An honest conversation with a trusted friend has made me realise that with my sight, there are some things I just won’t ever do….. Some I can get around, fudge through in a different way with help & support. But today the realisation that there is something I won’t ever do, silly thing is that its only a small thing too…. But feeling 🙁
ME: And it wasn’t even anything I though would bother me, it’s the realisation of limitation not the thing I can’t do. Even my stubborn streak won’t get me through this one.
F1: You will get through it hun! Been there – spend some time wallowing in self pity and then equally important pick yourself up and get on with what you CAN do!
ME: I know-its the kids, home, college, work is all that matters, but it’t limitations of not being able to do something so very simple for others——-even a small child can do it!
F1: Yep! Let yourself spend some time feeling sad, don’t try and ignore it. Have a bath, get in you pj’s and bring out the chocolate!
F2: If you don’t mind me asking, what is it?
ME: Its very silly and ridiculous…….. Juggling!!! Having looked after Miss Key the other evening while Mst Key & Simon Key did a juggling with scouts. Mst Key came back telling how great it was & how his dad could teach anyone to do it, it never interested me, bit it set the challenge & the thinking cogs working. So had a good talk about it & the answer was NO… I need to be able to follow the movement, although I do have some vision. I have no ability to judge distance or quick movement.
Its not the juggling that is the issue, its the fact that it points out a limitation. For example, I am not allowed to drive a car (legally) & have a driving license. But I can physically drive a car, on private property with the right support. I know how to do it & can do it. Its a silly thing, but its these little bits for me that stand out as a limitation. That having discussed the options of making it accessible isn’t there, if I wish I could play blind football, blind cricket, if I so desired, silly isn’t it?
F2: I don’t see why you can’t try?? Think of how much fun it would be. Just make sure you use soft balls so not to knock anyone out though! 🙂 Nothing is impossible, we place on ourselves our own limitations so if you say you can’t then you won’t, if you say to hell with it I am going to have a go…. then you have got nothing to lose and if you prove yourself right they you can say hell at least I tried!!
F3: I think the thing is that you have to have a base to start with. If you know that it is something that might be nearly impossible to do before you start, then if you still want to try then you don’t set your hopes up too high. The bonus is that i you did achieve it then it would make it all the more special. let me have a think, I’m sure Mst Key is right. He tells me enough that he is 🙂
F2: Nearly impossible! See not impossible at all 🙂
F3: just have to be realistic. Thats all I’m saying, what the hell, I have been learning 5 for 6 years !!!!
F2: There is being realistic though and shattering poor Theresa’s juggling dreams. I anyone can you can Mr Key 🙂 xx
ME: Oh dear, what have I started? It’s not the juggling that is the point here.
F3: Well it kind of is and isn’t. I think the point is that you wont know what you can and can’t do till you try……
F2: Excellent! I look forward to hearing your juggling tales Theresa and Mr Key.
ME: It’s got taken all out of context, I don’t really want to juggle. I hate the word ‘Can’t’ I know what you meant when you explained it, no it’s not impossible, bit it just highlights the fact that I can’t just grab a set of balls & get going. You said yourself that you need to think about how! It’s something highly skilled when you get to your level, but at the same time it’s very basic and simple at the start point. And I can’t just get on and have a go. This sees me start thinking & analysing other things I can do or can’t do & the spiral starts & thats why it was never about the actually juggling… Hence why I never put it in the start of this post! I appreciate the support & kind words from you all. I’m not as has been suggested (by pm) fishing for sympathy or compliments on what I can do or try. I wrote this because it was how I was feeling & at that very same moment on looking at Facebook it just felt right to put into words, stop it just being in my head & driving me even more crazy!
F3: Nope no taking it back now lol.
F2: Nope, you can’t back out now. Learn to juggle woman then you can pass your juggling wisdom to me 🙂
_____________________________________________________________
It makes for this being a rather long blog, but I hope it gives you an idea of my thoughts. Juggling isn’t the issue for me, its not even something like I said earlier that is of great interest. It merely highlights that for me to do some things, I need to set myself up in a very different way than others. Have to alter the way in which I do things. My friends were being helpful with their comments, I am always open to constructive criticism.
I grew up not seeing myself differently to others, but now I do…… I feel so very different.
And this is the point.
to me, there are two types of being unable to do something that affect everyone at some point. There are the ‘physical’ reasons where something about ourselves means certain things aren’t technically possible, but then there are the things that are not possible simple because the door has not been opened to that, or we chose to follow a different path earlier in life, ruling other stuff out. Limitations affect everyone, and maybe admitting ‘can’t/Won’t’ do things is just something we have to allow ourselves to admit to without feeling like its a bad thing xxx
Admitting to the negative can be hard for everyone though x
Yes it can be difficult. However, we all have to know our limitations.
For what it’s worth, when I learnt to juggle it wasn’t because I wanted to learn to juggle. It was because someone told me that they didn’t think I could. The reason I did was to “prove” that I could.
Without going in to any detail really, I should find it very difficult to do this for my own reasons. But I can and I have learnt and the things that I thought might stop me didn’t. Your right in a sense Tee it was never about you wanting to juggle, it was about you feeling like you needed to prove that you sktill could. I thought about this a lot over the past few days. And there are ways that you “could” learn to juggle. But as you pointed out, the fact is that for you it’s not about the actual act itself its about the fact that you want to be able to if you wanted.
The mere fact that it doesn’t really bother you works in your favour. Not being fussed is half way to understanding yourself. As I have said, some people go out there to prove to people that they can do it. Others go out there and tell people that they can’t do it. Smart people weigh up the situation and say “if I wanted to, I would find a way to make it happen.”
If its not high on your priorites then that’s just great, it means that you have other things that will benifit you to focus on. If on the other hand, you want to learn, we CAN find a way to make it happen.
There are 4 parts to this…..
1— partly wanting to do it
2— doing it to show I can
3— stubbornly sticking 2fingers up to it & prove I can do anything anyone else can, bad sight or not
4— The truth —
Juggling isn’t a limitation-but to do it, it needs to be done in a different way.
I HATE doing things differently to others to get the same end result.
There I admitted it – silly little simple things like this send me on a spiral & that is generally the sane base point that it leads to.
I see thing differently.
I do things differently.
Different stands out.
I don’t want to stand out 🙁
No one learns the same thing the same way thats why there are so many courses out there for teachers and trainer. the first thing that they teach you is that you may have to adapt your teaching style to suite the class.
besides what counts is the end game. 🙂
So… Does that mean F3 that your willing to help?
This has provoke a lot of interest….. I am happy to post comments that challenge me, so please continue your thoughts x
I guess this is a feeling everyone gets with ageing. In my late 60s, I realise that there are things I won’t ever be able to learn to do, even if I might have been able to do them without too much trouble 40 years ago. Juggling maybe, tumbling definitely not. Should have done it when I had the chance. There’ll be more and more of those things in the next 20 years. Of course, that doesn’t make me ‘different’, except to the extent that all old people are different.
I completely get the point about the activity itself not being the point, but the lack of possibilities, or, for the old, the closing down of possibilities. Also, I don’t think it’s something to be forgotten with a bath and hot chocolate – but it has to be accepted somehow, because it’s not going to change.
Cultivating this acceptance is something old people are supposed to do (though Dylan Thomas felt differently that we should rage against the dying of the light), and there’s not so much social support for it for younger people – and raging against it is a perfectly reasonable response, but so is realising that raging against it doesn’t change things – and nor does summoning up wonderful courage to do the (nearly) impossible, really (still think you should do the fast cars thing, though).