Archive for Days Out

03 Nov 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Blind Dating

I have explained before that I have a wicked sense of humour….. This blog post shows this off perfectly.

Sitting yesterday with a friend having a much needed catch-up over a leisurely Sunday brunch at a popular Italian American restaurant, the following occurred.

As usual, my trusted guide dog was laid on my feet under the table waiting for any food to drop. Me and my friend had been talking about how life had been for me since seperating from my long term partner earlier in the year. She knew that I had struggled with others opinions about being a single parent, she also knew that I had taken the decision to end the relationship and that it had been a happy decision for me.

This led us to talking about dating and how after having been in a relationship for so long you would even start going about this. At this point, a couple were seated in the booth behind us. I remember this point as the woman in the couple was sneezing continually, so I passed a packet of ultra-balm pocket tissues behind me to her partner.

Me and my friend continued talking about dating, she commented on how I could try internet dating or speed dating. This tickled me, so I made a joke of how she was fundamentally suggesting that I went on a ‘blind date’ as I went on to say, my days of catching someones eye across a crowded pub were behind me, I would be lucky to even catch the eye of someone stood right beside me. The irony of ‘blind dating’ continued and she by this point was looking on her phone and discovered that there were dating sites just for disabled people. I made a joke of how a guide dog had a great pulling power, but how to train them to seak out single guys for blind people would take real indepth training…..

 

At this point I was aware of uncomfortable mummbles from the couple in the booth behind us. Me and my friend continued to speak about how a blind person would go about dating, when the ‘gentleman’ in the booth behind me turned around and commented, (these words have stayed with me….

“You really are being quite rude and insensitive, talking about poor blind people who can’t possible have as enjoyable and free life as you ((me))”

To which I was shocked, so I said all I could which was, “I beg your pardon?”

“Well, you two are sat her enjoying a nice leisurely breakfast, probably off to do some shopping laughing about those less fortunate than you who have a horrible disability and can’t even think of coming out for treats like this. Whilst you both sit here poking fun at them for not being able to date, you both have such freedom, people like you make me sick.”

At this point my blood was boiling and I’m sure my friend could sense this too, as she reached across the table and asked me if I wanted to leave, which no I did not.

I was not going to be accused of being insensitive, rude and worst of all being called a ‘poor blind person’.

 

I kept my cool (dog knows how!) and out came the sarcasm……

 

“I’m sorry sir if my ‘private’ conversation with my friend has upset and sickened you, I am so very sorry that you feel that ‘poor blind people’ don’t have such freedoms as to go out for a long breakfast or enjoy shopping. I am so very sorry that you feel that I was insulting those with horrible disabilities. I was in fact talking about myself and how ‘ironic’ it was to use the word ‘blind date’ you see because for me now that is what it would be, I am sorry for that.”

At this point he stood up and called over the waitress, he said “I can’t believe the nerve of you ((me)) now pretending to be blind, while you clearly aren’t to justify and make excuses for your terrible behaviour, I wish to be moved. (Directed at the waitress)”

I was close to tears at the point and the waitress was about to speak, the very same waitress that had seated me and my friend and made a fuss of Vicky before she had curled up under the table.

I myself now stood up and turned to the gentleman, a term I use very loosely as he was about the same age as me, and definite not gentle!

“It’s ok, no need for you to move, we were just finishing up and off to enjoy some carefree shopping, I will even go to the till to settle up my bill as to not upset you a moment further, if you would just be so kind as to give me a minute to get my guide dog in her harness?”

He sniggered at this, but he soon stopped when I woke up a sleeping Vicky and got her out from under the table….

In fact his face was so red with embarrassment, even I could see it!

 

I finished putting her harness on and walked toward the till. My friend was talking behind me to the man and his girlfriend, but At this point I just wanted to leave.

She came and joined me a moment later to tell me that on the girlfriends insistence her boyfriend would be paying our bill for us, he hadn’t spoken another word apparently, just stood there shocked and embarrassed.

My friend said that she had explained that I was clearly upset by his insults and assumptions of ‘poor blind people’ and that it was incredibly rude to earwig on others conversations.

His girlfriend was very apologetic, but still he said nothing.

As we left the restaurant, my friend said she could see through the window that his girlfriend was clearly shouting at him.

To be honest I didn’t care…. I was using every muscle in my body to stop me from breaking down in tears, I was so shaken by it that we didn’t go shopping, without a word spoken, we got in her car and we went straight to the nearest pub for a large whiskey (for me anyway)

We had been having such an enjoyable time and only a true friend would laugh with me while we spoke of blind dates and meeting someone new. She knew instantly that I had been upset by those cruel words, but that I wouldn’t scream and shout, but calmly and with sarcasm allow that horrid man to be left thinking about what he had said and done.

I am not a ‘poor blind person’ with a ‘horrible disability’, I am me Tee, with a visual impairment…. I have plenty of freedom to go shopping and enjoy long breakfasts with friends, I am also privileged to have such wonderful friends that won’t talk over me, but know me well enough to know that I am fully capable of speaking my own mind. Also just like on that day, also know when I need a stiff drink and a huge hug.

 

And to answer the question you may be thinking by now…. No, I haven’t and nor will I be signing up to an iNternet dating of any kind !!!

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29 Jun 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Different views

When at a family wedding recently I realised that my children have a little more freedom than I thought I gave them.

let me explain….

As a VIP mum I often feel that I protect my children a little too much (is there such a thing?)  As I have mentioned before I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old, since my sight has noticeably deteriorated since 2008 when my daughter was just 2 years old I have continually question my own parenting and compared it to my friends.  for example, living in a bungalow I have a clear rule with my children regarding toys, I will tread carefully when walking in the kids rooms, but if they leave toys around the house they may be moved without warning or worse if trodden on, they risk being broken.  So my children learnt very quickly to be tidy with toys outside their rooms.

When walking between the church and reception venue in Hamble recently with my parents, I discovered that I actually have my children more freedom and trust than my mum had expected or could understand.

Working with a guide dog, we are trained together using voice and right hand signals to convey information, so I am limited to carrying or holding things in my right hand the majority of the time.  Resulting in my children learning to walk with or slightly in front of me without holding my hand, when crossing the road they will put their hand on my leg so that I know exactly where they are. Walking on a wide path by a busy road, my daughter was happily walking ahead with chatting with her cousin, my son was walking and skipping about 20 foot in front of us, my mum was continually asking him to walk with her and hold her hand.  He struggled with this and it didn’t last long before he got bored and ran off ahead a little.

My mum found this naughty behaviour (which I fully understand) but after me explaining that this was different to what he was used to she seemed to understand.  However, I feel that she found this difficult to understand eclectically as my sight is so poor.

The children do have rules when we are out like this, they do not cross roads without me, they do not walk around corners without me and if I feel they are walking off to far I will shout STOP and they are to stand still until I catch up with them.  To check the distance, we often make a game out of it on walking to the next lamppost or telegraph pole. as the reader, what do you think?

Am I too trusting of them? I would appreciate your feedback x

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18 Jun 2013
Days Out

Child’s Play

Today while at a friends house, their son was happily, quietly playing with Lego to make a old world village, I asked him if he would mind if I could build something with him.

He kindly asked if I needed him to help me as the parts where quite small and I may not see them, then he quickly told me that with Lego I didn’t need to see it, as I could just count the bumps on the top to feel how big and what shape the pieces are.

He then suggested that I built a church for his village. I asked him about the colours of the Lego as with them being so small I couldn’t see them and I was worried that it would be funny colours.

To which he simply answered ‘It doesn’t matter about the colours that’s the fun of Lego, the whole village can be all different colours and it doesn’t matter’

This bought back huge childhood memories for me, as a child me and my sister had built a huge pirate ship, it was built with whatever bricks we could find and was a giant rainbow.

Sometimes I think that as adults we aim for perfection too often, well I do anyway. Where as with kids it’s the fun of building and the game, not what you end up with in the end.

And also that as a grown woman I am never too old to sit down with a box of Lego and just build, sight or no sight as it is one of the first and still the most tactile toy available!!!

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03 Jun 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Fun Fairs

Lots of blogs this week, but I get to break from the usual boring home, study routine when my two children are home.  As I said before, I won’t let me being a VIP affect them or the fun they get to have.

So, on Sunday as a birthday treat we went to the fun fair at Hayling Island, I have never been there before, but friends had raved about it & how much fun the kids could have (big & small!)

They weren’t wrong.

With a 3 and 7 year old it is often difficult to find the balance on somewhere they can both have fun and do things together or with me.  Of-course my faithful GD came along too although she didn’t partake in much of the fun, just the run along the beach afterwards.

For me, I got to drive! only on the bumper cars, but didn’t I make the most of it, first with my son, then with my daughter and then they had their own car and I got to go alone.

 

We went on the halter skelter, the log flume, the balloon ride, even the rickettly old roller-coaster (I didn’t want to ask if it was part of its design or age that made it that way)

I know many people do these sorts of rides with their eyes closed, so most can guess what that feels like, but how about if your eyes were a blurry haze?

It makes things seem there that aren’t, it makes it feel that you will hit your head or that the cart your in will come off of the rails.

Also with no depth perception I have no ability to judge the hieght of a climb or the steepness of a drop….. But for me that adds to the excitement.

So to say that I had just as much if not more fun as the kids would be an understatement …….. We loved it!

The weather was just right and like all good funfairs I got to enjoy an old family tradition of having my bucket of pennies and playing on the slot machines too, dropping the coin at just the right time to not fall on top of the pile, put to push some of the coins down into the winning bit.

Who says sight loss has to make you miss things, it just makes it a different experience, but having never had brilliant sight I can’t say is it were a better or worse experience, my children had a fabulous time and that was the whole point of the day.

Me getting to join in so much was an added bonus!

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31 May 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

What’s in a saying?

We all have little ways of saying things, little phrases that we all use every day, without thinking.

The most common of these are:-

” Have you seen this?”

“Look at this.”

“did you see that?”

my response to aloof these is no, but I have never, nor will I ever take offence to them.  I myself usually end a conversation with ” See you again soon,”

They are common sayings and I even do it, if I’ve been to a film having listened to the audio description, I still say ” I saw that…….film the other night, have you seen it?”

I also say that I’ve read a great book book lately, even though I listen to it.  “I’ve just listened to a great film/book” just doesn’t have the same ring to it!

The reason I am writing this blog about this is because yesterday when out with a good family friend and all our kids, he went to show me a photo on his phone and stopped dead and then apologised for saying the classic “look at this”

As the day went on he continued to say ” come look at this” again apologising after each time.

This unsettled me, not because he had said these things, because he was just saying the same things that we all say (me included) but that he felt anxious by the thought that he had upset me.

How perverted would it sound if I started saying “I’ll feel you later” ! Or my friends said to me, ” Come and touch this!” I know I would probably run in the opposite direction.

So, I will continue to tell my friends that I look forward to seeing them soon and do not want my friends to cringe or feel anxious when they say ” come look at this” or “have you seen this”

So, these are just typical English sayings and part of each and everyone of us.  I can’t talk for every VIP or people with other disabilities, but I doubt they would take offence either.

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27 May 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Walking in the woods

A gorgeous bright sunny bank holiday Monday is just what everyone wishes for.  Me too, but with bright sunny weather comes other issues For me.

Taking my son out to a great little play park in the Forest of Bere, this means that I can also free run my guide dog in the woodlands, she loves finding sticks and jumping in the streams and puddles.

Today as we got a lift up to the forest, it appeared that most families had had the same idea, there was nowhere to park, so a thankfully we were just getting dropped off.  But being a veteran of these woods I knew that this would be ok.

Walk just 10 minutes past the park and adventure playground and your have tranquility.

maybe the odd group of older children making a camp, oor the odd dedicated dog walker, but none of the families enjoying their picnics while the Kids play in the parks.

But although I know this area very well, but with the puppy out comes the long cane.  In an off road track this isn’t ideal, but its better than nothing.

As I said earlier, bright sunny cloudless day’s are a struggle.  For me this comes in stopping me from using my remaining sight, relying purely on light and dark and shadows and sounds.

Vicky free runs wearing a play collar, this collar has a bell on it the makes a noise every time she moves (fantastic when she disappears off into the woodland)

My son is a little chatterbox and loves to sing woodland songs, so with strategically dressed bright clothes that contrasts when he runs into the woodland too to find twigs & bugs. So I know where he is too.

But on brighter days my concentration to keep safer safe and be aware that I’m not smothering him in Cotton wool is exhausting.  Mix this with panics over shadows of the trees That are created by the sun above suddenly appearing out of no-where and its quite a tricky walk in comparison to doing it on a cloudy day.

I still enjoy it, but when we get home the dog isn’t the only one who is exhausted.

Would you be able to navigate around rough terrain if your vision was clouded so you could only see the light against dark or shadow?

I would love to experiment with a few friends, wrapping scarves around their face just to let the light in, but no view….

even if you read this, but don’t go that far, I hope this post has helped you understand seeing my way!

 

 

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07 May 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

I will never argue with her again

Every guide dog owner can tell you of a time when they have had to deal with SDS (stubborn Dog Syndrome).

A good gd is well trained, a great gd is able to problem solve and think outside the training. But no matter how good or great, there is a key factor that many people forget, they are still dogs and as such have a very active mind of their own….. Many a gd owner who has had a retriever, will tell a tale or two about their stubborn streak, their dislike of walking back on themselves, so if you forget something in the supermarket aisle, you have to con them by walking in a round route down the next aisle to get back to where you actually started.

This stubborn streak can also come out when you do the same walk, say to the corner shop that they do each and every day, all gd’s retrievers or not are dogs and have a very loveable and funny sense of humour.

This evening on my way home from a friends, after a very stubborn day from my gd I was reminded that she is my guide, my protector and that she has an extra sense, that even with full sight I would never possess.

Tonight my puppy saved my life.

We were heading home, Vicky had taken me to the crossing that we had used so many times before, I pressed the button and awaited the beep to say we could walk. The beep started, but she refused to move. She was in fact backing up, as if to says he wanted to go back where we had come from. So of course, I corrected her and tried to move her forward. It was in that milli-second that the truth came out.

The crossing was still beeping, yet I heard and felt the air where two rather loud, turbo charged cars whooshed right in front of me.

If she had let me cross, we could have been severely hurt if not worse.

I was so shaken that I just sat down on the path and grabbed her in a big hug. A women walking on the opposite side of the road had seen the whole thing and rushed to see that we were ok……

We were both fine, although I was a little shaken by what could have been.

Guide dogs are trained not to walk in front of cars when they have their engines on, unless on a designated crossing, but it is never the gd’s responsibility to say when it is safe to cross the road, that is always down to the owner. They are trained to stop for cars and bikes and not to cross, but as I said as her human, it is always my responsibility to say when to cross or not, because some dogs loose the ability to judge traffic if they don’t use it. Which I can say since training Vicky has only had to do it once (not bad in 4 years!)

But I couldn’t even hear these cars approaching the lights, a sound of gear changes that I have come to understand to tell when a car is slowing down, and judging by the speed in which they’d went past, they hadn’t been close by before the lights had changed.

I have heard stories of this happening before, one Guide dog was even awarded a medal for doing the very same thing for his owner on a busy street. But I couldn’t believe my luck when I discovered that my very own Vicky was capable of this and had as a result saved us both a lot of pain.

Tonight I am a very proud gd owner & will think twice before arguing with her at the crossing.

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10 Apr 2013
Blind Blog • Challenges • Days Out

Getting on my bike!

So with just under 29 weeks until I find myself running the great south run,  which I am doing for 2 reasons…..

1) To raise money for guide dogs, who without their support and funding, I would not be have half the independence that I have today.

2) As a person achievement for me – I’m not going to break any speed records, but I am going to complete it by jogging/sprinting the entire course.

As a mum of 2, the reading on the scales has up radially gone up, something that I am determined to change.  I don’t believe in fad diets, but healthy eating and that everything is good and allowed within moderation.  To help with this I have joined my local Slimming World group for moral support.  This hasn’t been without its own ups and downs, but it has also proved that a lot of the scales gain has come from loosing or thinking that I had lost my independence…..   Life also gets in the way of exercise alot of the time, well the excuse that it does is actually what gets in the way!

With a guide dog I do try and walk as much as possible, I don’t have the luxury of jumping in the car to pop out for milk!  But I really missed the bike rides and the swimming.

So guess what?

I do both !!!!!  With the help of a friend I have gradually built up my confidence to swim, he has helped me strengthen my technique and we aim to go swimming together once a week, in addition to this I have signed up for a swim membership and often find myself at the pool, by myself at least once more each week.

Now that the weather is cheering up (although as I write this, it’s started to rain!) today the bike got dusted off and taken out….. With my daughter who is 7 we rode 4.2 miles to a nice pub for lunch, before taking the slightly longer route of 4.8 miles home again.

Some of you may be reading this with a sense of fear, for not only my safety, but that of my daughters…. Please trust me when I say that I would not do this without feeling safe.  I am a firm believer that pavements are for both cycles as well as pedestrians (showing respect for each others space) I am also very lucky to live within fareham and its neighbouring town of Gosport, that both have a wonderful network of cycle track and designated cycle lanes on the roads.

With my central vision and concentration I am able to cycle very comfortably within these perimeters and pay full attention to my daughter.

 

Today we did also had a bit of help from a friend as my daughter had not previously had a lot of confidence with her riding.

But once she started there was no stopping her, I think she definitely carries my determined gene.

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29 Mar 2013
About Me • Days Out

Monkeying Around is the Bizness

Having 2 children who are always on the go makes life very interesting and active.  Being a VIP adds extra challenges to day-to-day life, but I have always tried to not allow this to impact too heavily on my little ones and allowed them the same freedom and adventures as others their age.

The fact that for now the 4 year age gap doesn’t stop them playing together is a great help!

i am a great believer that children shouldn’t just sit infront of the tv, but play out in the garden, run and get messy in the rain.  That’s why I bought a good washing machine.

In the wetter winter, spring and occasional summer days the great outdoors is nice and grey and makes it an enjoyable place to be with the children.  But in the summer months or when there is snow I struggle.

This is when I utilise the annual passes that the kids have for Monkey Bizness, an indoor play centre with large climbing frames, soft play, slides. Where pretty much everything is covered in foam and is brightly coloured.

This to me is heaven!

i can run around with the kids, having knocked myself out or bumped myself a few times, but not having to worry about the sun getting in the way of seeing them.image

They are within a secure area, which they need a member of staff to let them out of, they aren’t being burned or damaged by the sun’s rays and I know that even I can play with them too, if the mood takes me.

It is a place where the children are dressed in bright colours, to try and help, but this doesn’t always work.  We do however have a base point that the children know they can come back to me, if they are upset or in need of a drink.

As seen above, I also love joining in the fun, and monkeying around with them too.

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18 Mar 2013
Blind Blog • Days Out

Running my hands over a bronzed beauty

This post is not necessarily what you are expecting, I thought I would share a ‘perk of being a VIP’. When I found myself stood in Southampton art gallery, watching the curator unlock the glass case that surrounded Auguste Rodin’s crouching woman, a small bronzed sculpture.  So along with other members in our group I was stood with a pair of white cotton gloves ready to do something special that very few get to experience.

Black and white image of rodin-s bronze cast of crouching lady.

I grew up being constantly told by my parents that “you look with your eyes, not your hands” and here I was about to dispel this theory.

 

Black and white - newspaper print image of Rodin's bronze cast of crouching lady.

 

Bronzed sculptures have always been something of great interest to me, but by their nature, I often miss most of the detail other than the outline shape.  But here I was, about to run my gloved hands all over a cast of a sculpture that had been handled with such love and care when sculpted by the artist himself.

It felt amazing, that first touch, the coldness of the material.  The feel of the finger marks beneath mine.  The detail of the sculpture, you can feel the individual vertebrate in her back, the bones in her shoulders.

This was a wonderful experience that I can’t wait to repeat with other works of arts and artefacts and make the most of my new found ‘perk’.

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